IT'S Chicago

This fountain is just in some rich person's front yard. No kiddin'.

AH!

There were herds of these giant men, armless and headless, just wandering around. It was funny at the beginning of the day, but by the end we were just getting annoyed . They just mill in one spot for a few minutes until suddenly they disperse in different directions only to meet shortly after in a another location.

Annie tried to make friends. Didn't work though. She has arms and legs.

That's me! With a tree! Rhyming!

Annie running away from yet another new friend. All she wanted was for Annie to dunk

her head. Everyone else was doing it.

Pretty tricky, eh? It's a photographer secret. Sorry.

Annie is a friend making machine. Everywhere we went in Chicago she was making more friends.

Friends.

Friends.

Friend.

Chicago is a very bohemian city, doncha know, what with its free loving hugs, public bathing and impromptu dance offs.

Whoda thunk?

We actually went out both of the nights we were in Chicago but left the camera in the hostel for safe keeping. Highlights that you can use your imagination to visualize are the hilarious italian waiter named Dario (not related to Mario or Wario), a live blues band, the improvised musical Swamp Ass and drinking a 40 of malt liquor out of a paper bag in a bar.

I know, I know, we're stupid for leaving the camera behind.

Manitou Beach

Manitou Beach was great. So great that we almost spent another day there. Then we remembered what happened the last time we changed our schedule, it totally messed things up. Anyway, it was a cute little, slightly flooded town with a nice Ukrainian dinner, a drive in theatre and a, flooded, beach.

That's my new friend, Logan Hogan, working the projector. He's about fifteen and he runs the show at the Manitou Beach drive in. We were fast friends and because of it I was given a behind the scenes tour... which is basically just the small room you can see in the picture. It was a blast from the past, there could't be a more classic drive in experience than this. While I was talking to Logan Hogan some guy came in and ordered a 'bucket o' butter'. As tempting as that sounded, I stuck with my curly fries.

What a pain in the ass.

Although, now that I'm looking a little closer, it's a road to nowhere.

Bungee

Annie

Ivan

Both shitting bricks.

Was it worth seventy five bucks each? Yes.

They made a DVD of each jump but they were of such a shitty quality that we didn't bother.

We also Played mini-golf in the mall. Annie lost. More importantly, I won.

Glacier fight!!

Haha!

"Eighty twooooo"

People born before eighty four are old.

Doesn't she look like a ski instructor?

The mound of snow was at the bottom of the Athabasca glacier. There were a bunch of people walking all over it and taking pictures and being tourists. While this was going on some yellow clad glacier dudes were giving a tour to people who had money farther up the glacier. By the time they were headed down again, the guy behind Annie, in the picture above, was the last one on the snow. When the tour guide in the yellow suit noticed that there was someone on the snow this is what he said, "GET OFF THE SNOW! GET OFF THE SNOW! GET OFF THE SNOW! GET OOOFFF! OOOFFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! GET OFF THE SNOW! GET OFF THE SNOW! GET OFF THE SNOW! GET OFF! GET OFF! NOW! NOOOOOOW! NOOOOW! GET OFF! OOOOOOOOFFF! NOW! NOW! NOW! GET OFF! GET OFF THE SNOW! GET OFF THE SNOW! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" And so on for a good minute. Apparently it's dangerous. Who knew?

<-- This is a picture of a crack between the ice and the snow. A dead giveaway that we should not have been walking on it.

I was here in '96 and this part of the glacier didn't look anything like it does today. On account of the filth it's melting slower and looks cooler than the other dirty ice of the main glacier. Annie was too scared after hearing that guy being yelled at, so she came nowhere near it.

Hence the selfies.

All I needed was a cup and some rye.

The Jasper club scene

So this was delicious. But, delicious or not it had some major flaws for a purist like myself. Cheese? Onion? Why? The focaccia bun I can let slide because it was yummy. Finding only one slice of tomato nearly made me cry. Luckily I had a dry, thin piece of romaine lettuce to sop up any would be tears before anyone noticed. Where's the pork? I think this place was called the Jasper Brewing Company or something. The sandwich was fine but failed as a club.

Annie would like to point out that the soup was amazing.

This was probably the fastest club ever made, which may explain why they forgot the mayo. It was good-ish, but cold turkey on hot bread with warm bacon is a muddled way to serve this kingly sandwich. Iceberg lettuce is a great friend to the club, giving every bite a fresh crisp crunch. On this occasion the bacon had an overdone crispy crunch as well, which is not necessarily a flaw - Who doesn't like crispy bacon? - but rather just one more indication of the slapstick, thrown together nature of meal. Mayonayonnaise? Check out that garnish! Nothing compliments fresh toast like a soft and soggy slice of pickle draped on top, except for one so artistically placed as this. Did I mention there was no mayo?

Petro-Canada, you fail.

Cheese does not belong on a club sandwich. Never, ever. Why why why do these two bit cooks think that putting a slab or two of orange shit on the house sandwich is going to spruce it up beyond compare? Why not do something fun with the mayo, or mix up the bread? And romaine lettuce belongs in a ceasar salad, it does nothing for the club. I don't want the bits of leaf that didn't make a salads cut put into my, what should be, delicious club sandwich. We've all had a club that looks great. Seemingly bountiful with all that it should be, but then, and this is especially true with the classic quarter cut presentation, you take your first bite. And it's great! It has everything you ever wanted, and you think to yourself, this is happiness. Then you take your second bite and all you get is dry toast and some tiny chunk of tomato. What the fuck, right? Presentation is nice, and from this picture you would think, 'gee wiz, that looks tasty'. Little do you know that you're the butt of some cruel joke. There were four mediocre bites in this meal and the rest was eaten out of pure necessity.

Whistle Stop Pub, you fail.

Annie would like to point out that the soup was awful.

It's a zoo out there

Elk? Caribou? You tell us, 'cause we don't know.

Look at this fool. What a fool! Never has there been a more foolish fool than this fool. Fool.

It's a good thing that fool didn't fall in because it really would have bummed us out while we were trying to enjoy the Athabasca falls.

No bears here...

No bears there.......

Bear! Roar.

Jasper is pretty.

You'd think that there would be mooses everywhere, them being so damn horny all the time, but we only saw two.

Wolf! Aoo.

Weeell, we think it's a wolf, but it could be some feral dog. Either way, Annie wouldn't even roll down the window to take this picture.

The good times go so fast

Our lovely hosts on the west coast, drunk again.

Look at 'im, all 'woe is me' like. Doesn't she know he likes boys?

No matter how much he protested, eventually we had to leave.

But not before we...

Euchred, bitches!

HAHA!